Being a Woman DJ in a Scene Built by Fragile Egos

There are things I don’t hold in… I’m not scared to say it. I’m not trying to play it cool if it’s not cool. I stay professional by speaking up when things are unprofessional. I’m polite... until I have to mirror someone else for not being polite.
I’m not here to kiss ass. I’m here to be real.

I’ve been DJing for 20 years, and over time, I’ve noticed a pattern—especially in a scene mostly run by men. Often, the person responsible for booking DJs is also a DJ himself. I’ll crush my set, the night goes off… and then? Silence..
Majority of the time, it lasts longer than just one night. I get booked not because of them, but because the venue, management, staff, and crowd wanted me in the first place... or want me back after that first night. But then, the man with the fragile ego will come up with some weirdo problem that makes no sense. They try to justify their weird behavior with some made-up issue, just in case I ever ask to come back.
(For the record, I don’t. Once they show me that weirdo energy, I’m out.)
My skills are the reason I get invited back. But if that booking power is in the hands of someone insecure, they’ll find some weirdo excuse not to, or make me no longer interested. And the crazy part? It usually works out for them… because once I see what they’re about, I don’t want to work with people like that anyway.
I have integrity.

And I know why their weirdo behavior shows up.
It’s not because the night didn’t go well… it’s quite the opposite. The crowd is vibing. The venue’s happy. People are coming up to me asking when I’m playing again. Even venue owners and staff are like, “When are you coming back?”
And my answer is always the same:
“Ask the DJ responsible for booking.”

And I get booked again because of that… But that fragile ego later will try his best not to book me. Because deep down, they didn’t book me so I could shine. They booked me to support them. To only warm up the night. To inflate their ego.
They don’t want the crowd to remember me... they want to be the one who gets remembered. You can’t be too good… definitely not better than them.

I’ve had DJs…the ones in charge of booking…come up to me mid-set, while the room is vibing, and say...
“You know, there are a lot of people here because I told everyone to come and that I was the one DJing.”
That’s usually the red flag—it’s ego, not professionalism
And I’m standing there thinking: Bro… I’ve seen this weirdo behavior before & I can tell they're insecure and they want me to kiss their ass.
Cause if I were in their shoes and the DJ I booked was crushing it? I’d be hyping them up... not trying to take credit or kill their vibe.

That’s the difference between me and them…
I’m about it. I don’t have to constantly talk about it. What I do speaks for itself.

Some people want so badly to be the loudest voice in the room, that real skill and presence makes them feel threatened.. They start acting weird. Competitive. Even dismissive.

And listen... I’m not saying I’m better than anyone. But if you feel threatened just because I came in and did my job well? That’s not my problem. That’s yours.

Being a woman in this industry means navigating invisible walls. You’re expected to play nice. Stay in your place. Don’t outshine the one who gave you the gig.

But that’s not me... and it never will be.

I don’t stay quiet. I’m here to help other women DJs... or just DJs in general... who are coming up after me. I’m not here for ego stroking or some rockstar lifestyle.

I’m here because I care.
I care about people. I know how powerful and important it is to create a moment through music. I care about creating spaces where people can feel free, seen, safe, and alive… even if it’s just for one night.
I care about giving people a moment to breathe and escape from this crazy-ass world.

That’s why I’m good at what I do.
Not because I’m trying to be the best… But because I actually give a shit.

So if I don’t get booked again because I didn’t shrink myself to protect someone’s ego?
So be it.
If I lose gigs because I did too good of a job?
Cool.

There’s plenty more out there for me... and they’ll be the ones missing out.

And if some people in my own city... the place I’m from... can’t handle what I bring?
That’s on them.

But I won’t make myself smaller for anyone.
Not in this scene.
Not anywhere.

Because I know who I am…
I’m an artist. An activist. A leader. A real one.
And I’m not going anywhere.